Tuesday, November 16, 2010

On a lighter note, we have someone coming to visit us.  She lives near Sderot on a moshav and is happy to live in Israel without the hectic craziness of city life in Tel Aviv or Jerusalem, though living near Sderot presents its own challenges, like how to keep your little children calm year after year while scrambling into bomb shelters.  But anyways...she is coming to Jerusalem, is not familiar with the city, and asked me to write her directions.

Now, I've actually driven this route many times, from the entrance of the city to our apartment in Baka, so I have a pretty good sense of how to do it. I would describe my ability to do it more as "feeling" my way through the streets, than really "knowing it."  But now I needed to tell it to someone else, so I got out my INDISPENSABLE Carta Jerusalem Street Atlas and started typing.  Keep in mind, that I'm writing these directions using STREET NAMES which is something Israelis NEVER DO (instead, it's usually "yashar" "yemin" "ad hasof" - straight, then right, then to the end, or "Oh, and there is a great falafel place!").  Using street names is also quite silly because many times, there are NO street signs!!

Twenty minutes of typing later, here is what I managed:

Stacey - Here is my best description of how to get from the entrance to the city to our place, but call if you get lost.

Enter Jerusalem on route 1 - the main tel aviv-Jerusalem road.
Go up the hill, past the big cemetery on the right and follow signs for the city center.  My recommended way to go is past the government buildings.  to do that,
1) when you get to the first main light after crossing beneath the big "harp" at the entrance to the city, TURN RIGHT.
you should be on "Sderot Herzl"
2) then TURN LEFT on sderot Yitzchak Rabin - this road should lead you past the Supreme Court building and the knesset, through a tunnel
3) TURN RIGHT on Sderot Ben Zvi - Gan "Sacher" - a big park , will be on your right.
4) Sderot Ben Zvi turns into Sderot Hayim Hazaz after you pass some tall high rise buildings on the left.
5) GO STRAIGHT across the next big intersection.  if you turn right (which you should NOT do), you'll be on a big street called Harav Herzog.  Instead GO STRAIGTH up the hill to the right.  that street will be called Tchernichowsky
6) FOLLOW Tchernichowsky.  It will turn into Fichman.  Look for AND TAKE A SHARP LEFT and uphill ONTO HAPALMACH.
7) follow Hapalmach and turn RIGHT on KOVSHEI KATAMON.  take this DOWN HILL.
8) at a circle, you won't be able to keep going downhill because the street becomes one-way for a block.  so, at the circle, turn RIGHT ON BUSTANAI
9) then LEFT on the next street which is HIZKIYAHU HAMELECH AND THEN RIGHT AGAIN DOWNHILL AGAIN ON ELAZAR HAMODAI (this is just the continuation of kovshei katamon after the one-way block)
10)  you're almost there.  at the bottom of the hill take Elazar hamodai ACROSS emek refa'im, veering towards the right (not a hard right, but sort of straight-right onto Pierre Koenig).  there will be a gas station on your right, but GET IN THE LEFT LANE.
11) For just a moment, you'll be on Pierre Koenig but at the first light, TURN LEFT on Yehuda.
12) TURN LEFT at the first street.  the name of it is Naftali but there is no street sign.  our complex is a big one on the right hand side in the 2nd block.  you'll see a flight of stairs up from the street.  just park and go up the stairs - those will lead you into a courtyard which is Dan "street" - even though no cars go on Dan street.  look for number 20.  our place is one of 4 apartments at #20; it is1/2 floor up on the right hand side of the #20 entrance.

Okay - I want a PhD or royalties for writing a marx brothers/abbot and costello routine in the form of driving directions.  Or, I'll give you $100 cash if you can, without the use of the internet or other reference materials, tell me the biographies or relevant histories of each of the street names on the directions above.
i love this place, but it's nuts...
see ya...

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